Well, here we go again…
We received word today that we are an approved adoptive family for the state of Connecticut! That one missing piece of paperwork has been found, and our home study was emailed off to the state this afternoon. After a relatively short (4 months) approval time, we are now officially waiting for a call that we have been matched with a child, or sibling group of up to three children.
It’s nice to not be “waiting to wait” anymore.
Our adoption journey passed the two-year mark last month, and it went by almost unnoticed. It’s been a long one for us. Longer than we ever anticipated or imagined. After a five-month “setback” (although there is certainly unseen purpose in that time) we can finally be considered for children again. Up until the moment we left Pennsylvania, back in April, we were receiving different adoption situations in our inbox fairly regularly.
The silence these past few months, as we were “waiting to wait” again, was grueling at times.
There’s a pretty big difference between the Pennsylvania and Connecticut matching process. In PA we would receive (typically) emails, and (rarely) phone calls, about children who may be a match for us. We were given information about the child, sibling group, or expectant mom, and after reviewing it, responded to the question “would you like to be considered for this situation?” I believe we responded with a resounding “absolutely!” for all but one situation during our 20-month wait in PA.
On one hand, we loved knowing the situations we were being considered for, because it shaped our prayers, and we knew how to pray for all the parties involved. These situations were all born out of brokenness, and grew our compassion in ways we never could have imagined. It was a privilege to lift countless mothers, fathers, and children up in prayer, trusting that God heard every request. We never met a single one of them personally. On the other hand, we grew very weary of being turned down and told that another family had been chosen for that child, or expectant mom.
The most difficult situation we encountered was for a little 18-month old boy back in January. We were chosen as one of two or three other couples to be interviewed for him. We had finally made it to the next round! After traveling over an hour for the interview, seeing his adorable “drooly” pictures, learning all about his schedule and favorite foods, and truly believing he would be a perfect fit for our family, we learned (after a week and a half wait) that we had not been chosen for him. That was a tough pill to swallow, and we really didn’t want to go through that again.
After moving to Connecticut in April, we learned quickly that the matching process works quite differently here. We won’t be presented with adoption situations and asked if we would like to be considered for them. Instead, we will only receive a phone call when we have been chosen as the one and only match for a child/sibling group. Yippee! At that point, we will learn all about the child/children and we will be given the freedom to decide if they will be a good fit for our family. That’s right, WE get to say “yes” or “no.” No interviews, no “competing” with other families, and no “sorry, you haven’t been chosen for this child.”
It was such an incredible relief to learn that. After experiencing all we did in PA, we are grateful for the way it works here (although I’m sure not without flaws).
We had certainly hoped that each PA situation would be a part of our story. I guess in some way they are….just not in the way we had been praying for. I always liken our adoption journey to our love story. There were quite a few guys I had hoped would be my husband. Many were godly men, who love Jesus. Others, well, let’s just say that I am eternally thankful God protected me from them. Adam would say the same about his journey to marriage, which was full of quite a bit of pain, and an overflowing amount of protection from a Father God who knows much better than we do.
One day, if we are blessed to receive the gift of children through adoption, we hope to see this journey in a similar way. We may not have a full understanding of why our wait was so long, or why all the other seemingly perfect situations didn’t work out…but we hope to have full confidence, and peace, that God worked this story out in a way that is for our good, while giving Himself the maximum amount of glory.
Our prayer from the start, since beginning this journey in August 2011, is that God would receive the maximum amount of glory. Adoption has never, and will never, be about us.
I have no doubt that God can bring this journey to a head, placing us with children in an instant. He is more than able to do so. For reasons that are hidden from us, He has chosen not to yet. We believe these reasons, according to His wisdom, will bring Him the maximum amount of glory. That is what we want, although our flesh, and the cosmic powers against us try to tell us otherwise. We can only walk by faith, not by sight, making His glory our aim.
Satan hates adoption, and will do anything to discourage families from thinking about it, and especially doing it. We are fighting a battle against the spiritual forces of evil; the cosmic powers are strong against us (Ephesians 6:12). They won’t win, but they will do anything they can to turn our hearts to trust in the things we can plainly see. A life full of safety, surrounded with the comforts of this world, will never bring us satisfaction, but they can be oh so tempting to indulge in.
In the words of Russell Moore, “…adoption isn’t charity – it’s war” – Adopted For Life, page 18 (Affiliate link).
We praise Him that this process seems to be moving forward again. He recovered that one pesky piece of paperwork that was holding us back. I pray that we will praise Him regardless of how long this second (and hopefully final) leg of the adoption wait is. Thank you for praying with us, for us, and for our children.
To Him be all the glory.